~Stories, life, and magic.~

Once upon a time... It has been my own personal experience that those four words, are undoubtedly the most enchanting predecessors to many a wonderful story, and are in that respect the best way to start any good story. It has also been my own understanding that how a story starts and where it is that it begins are two completely separate things. My own story begins with the little girl who, from a very early age, was always entranced by those four little words (or the variations that thereof) and the stories that followed after them. This same little girl would stay up in the dead of night with the volume of her TV on as low as she could still hear so that she could watch movies and television shows that caught her attentions. This little girl would duck away –a feat which her tiny stature allowed her to accomplish rather easily- in hidden corners of her house reading for hours on end. This very girl would turn to her own mind when stories were scarce, and imagine up any sort of fantastical adventure she could. All of this was done with a rather childish belief in magic and an undying love of stories of all forms; this was my childhood.

            Stories came naturally to me, both in their understanding and in their construction, and so it was only a matter of time before I discovered both a fondness and a certain talent for the written word. I started when I was younger with simplistic rhyme-based poetry and a handful of short stories which I wrote all throughout elementary school. These simple pieces were easy for me, and they always seemed to make me happy. With the completion of every poem or short story I would feel a sense of pride for the thing that I, myself, had created. I was a writer, I always would be, and -in this sense- I always have been. I still write today, and part of me knows that I always will write. Now, I write everything from novels to poetry to screenplays. Though writing is no longer the main focus in my life, I do still feel that sense of pride in the things I’ve created every time I write.

Regardless, stories have always, and most likely will always play a very important role in my life.  I would be lying to both myself and to whomever were to read this paper if I said that stories -those I collect as well as those I create- did not have a profound effect on me and my life. Through many of my own writings, I have shaped the way I see many aspects of life. It was through stories of Egypt and Mummies (more specifically The Mummy movies) that I slowly made may way to discovering a love for Anthropology, which I am now studying. It was through novels and fairytales that I developed many of the ideals that I still hold dear today. Though I could give countless examples of these such instances as well as other I have not mentioned, perhaps the one story that has had the most profound effect on myself –or at least to which I share the deepest connection- is the movie Anastasia produced by 20^th century fox.

The story of Anastasia to which I am referring, is that of an orphaned girl, with no recollection of her past or sense home, who finds herself on a difficult journey to finding out who she really is. As a child I always loved this movie, but I hadn’t started analyzing it and realizing just how much it really did seem to correspond in its own way to my life until I was much older. Though I am not an orphan –nor a lost Russian duchess- I still think of that movie as almost a symbolic representation of my life and of my goals in life; a rather silly notion when one looks at it I will admit, but a notion that I resonate with nonetheless. My analysis of the movie itself, and my epiphany as to how much I truly related to it, actually began accidentally as my best friend of seven years commented on how I reminded her a lot of Anastasia in both personality and mannerisms, something I too had been thinking after watching the movie for the first time in at least a year. I pushed the matter aside at the time, but slowly I started to truly think about the similarities. While we (Anastasia and myself) are both stubborn sarcastic and bold individuals, who do seem to know exactly who we are and would not hide that from those around us, we’re both still lost.

It wasn’t too long ago that I really started to search for who I really was, and as a first step to define who that person is. Even though I feel as if I have discovered a lot about myself over the course of this past year, I still know that all at the same time I’ve just begun a much longer journey. Though I have a better understanding of myself, I don’t believe that I fully know how it is that I’m going to or even supposed to fit in to the world around me. The same, I discovered in my analysis, was the case for Anya as she underwent her journey; she knew who she was, but not how that fully related to the world around her. It’s in this sense of knowing myself without knowing where I belong that I share maybe the most important similarity with the animated princess. It is my dearest wish, as it was Anastasia’s, to find a ‘home’, as it is something I’ve never truly had. I’m searching for a place where I could belong, and a small community I can belong to. Yet, I know that before I can really belong anywhere I still have to figure a lot of things out about myself, only then will I be able to try to find out where I’m meant to be.

What though makes Anastasia so important to my life and growth as a person? That lies within the fact that I learned the above lessons from that movie. From her experience –regardless of how fictional or animated it may have been- I learned the best way to handle my own personal confusion and disorientation about my life. She too had to truly find herself, before she was able to find her place in the world around her. Even from the very beginning she knew what she wanted to get out of her life, and then once she decided on the journey her life would take she stuck with it, even if it seemed ridiculous to her at times. From that movie, I’ve also adopted this mentality for my own life’s journey. I have decided to follow what feels right even if it seems like only a silly far-off-dream and then stick with the path I’ve chosen, until I’ve gotten what I wanted out of it. Whenever I initially think about how I’ve summed up most of my life and my aspirations and then compare them to a child’s animated movie, I feel more than a little silly. But then, when I really think about how much I’ve gained from and owe to this particular children’s story, I can’t help but smile fondly at the thought. This, though, is all done rightly so, once I think more on the subject, because it is in fact a good story.

There is something truly amazing about a good story. It has an inexplicable power over us; the power to move us, to challenge us, even to change us. In this sense, it’s almost magical. Stories have always affected me. As a child, I adored them –and still do. I welcomed them with an open heart and an open mind, and inquired after them with enough curiosity to kill a dozen cats. I was drawn to them, and because of that I chased after them as well. I couldn’t help myself. I dreamed about them; about the adventure and the magic that they all seemed to hold within them. In the end, it seems only right that I affect and am affected by stories; as it seems right that this will always be the case. For the only way to truly be able to manipulate that magic of the written word, is to be open to it, and to let it manipulate you as well.

~The Bucket List. Items 72-76.~

Alright, well here I am again! And just like I had said last time, this entry will contain a continuation of my bucket list! Let's get started then shall we?

72. Go through a secret passage. This item got added to my list, because one day when I was getting on my computer to check my email MSN.com had a lovely article up about homes with secret passageways! Ever the curious little explorer I could only click on the link to the slideshow. There were so many secret passage ways! Everything from a secret wing in a Victorian home, to a secret office, to a passage through a book case, to the Shakespeare-bust passage of Batman! It was so grand, that I decided that I must one day go through a secret passage, or into a secret room!

73. Compile a book of my poetry. This one is simple enough really. As you could probably guess, I write poetry. Well, I write everything really... One day I became inspired to write a poem, which may be my favorite yet, and then decided that I liked my poetic side. And that one day I would like to put all my poetry into one book!

74. Visit a real psychic. This one has always been sort a small desire of mine, but it all really came about when the psychic who lived near my house closed down shop and left. Now, I'm not saying she was a real psychic. Hell, I'm not even saying I would know how to find a real psychic to visit. But maybe one day I will. I think it'd just be interesting to see what they had to say.

75. Put on a puppet show. This one came about when I was house sitting with my best friend. It tends to happen, that when we get together, we get a little crazy. Now, I don't mean 'partying' crazy, I mean 'extra-nerdy' crazy. Hence, puppet show. Not sure what kind though yet; finger, sock, shadow...so many to chose from!

76. Send of a message in a bottle. This one two has always been a small desire of mine. It had been forgotten though, until I saw this pretty picture of a ship in a bottle on the beach. Then, that kind of re-ignited that small thought. I sort of just like thinking about it. I mean, who knows where it would go, who would find it.... It definitely appeals to the curious explorer in me. :P

And there you have it! My updated bucket list!

Now, I can't make any guarantees, but... I just recently moved into my dorm, and am starting college! Which, as you may all either know or speculate is a very big -maybe life changing- transition! Who knows, maybe I'll pick up a valuable pointer or two on life that I'll feel inclined to share from all of this.

This is the AceOfSpades, signing off for tonight!

~Oh Lighthouse! My first completion!~

Hello again! So it's been some time since my last update, but as it was extremely lengthy I don't believe that the wait is completely unfair! Anyway, I have decided to start off the marvelous month of August with a new post! And, as promised last time, this post is dedicated to my actual bucket list; both a few new additions and ((drum roll please!)) my FIRST completion! That's right! One item down and...well, several more to go. ( ^-^U )

So let's begin shall we?

First up, let us revisit item #50 on my list, in which I said that I would like to visit a lighthouse.
Well my dearest readers, it is a most imponderable pleasure that I inform you that over the summer I have visited not one, but TWO lighthouses! ((Huzzah!)) The first of which was on the small Island of Kauai in Hawaii, in a national reserve. I was so excited to be visiting my first light house ever, and so naturally the whole day we were driving around, it was always on my mind. Then, when I got to the point of the preserve, and the lighthouse came into view, I noticed something. The lighthouse was closed! Of all things, they picked perhaps the one and only time I would be in Hawaii to close it for renovation! ( D:) I was devastated. My excitement was shot, and all I could think about was how my grandparents told me that they got to go inside of it the last time they were there, and that all of the beauty of the towering structure before me was dashed away by the ugliness of construction. To be honest I felt cheated! I couldn't bring myself to call what I had witnessed a 'completion' on my list, so I did my best to forget about the lighthouse. But then, and without any planning on my part, something superb happened! While in La Jolla, California ((in which I attended the lovely vow renewal of my Aunt and Uncle)) my entire family took a trip to some Monument/Nature Preserve whose name escapes me; a trip I might add, that I almost did not go on! Jumping ahead. This, dear readers, is where I visited Lighthouse number two! And though it was not the towering beauty of the lighthouse at Kilauea Point ((at least I'm almost certain that that was where it was...))  it was nonetheless, a lighthouse, and one that was both not under construction and that I got to go INSIDE of! ( :D )It was a beautifully enthralling experience, as I find that I have always loved and been fascinated by lighthouses! The only complaint I had, was that I could not visit the tower itself! ((For those of you who don't know, the tower of a lighthouse is the top, where the light actually is.)) However, I did get some splendid pictures through the closed grate that I got as close to as possible!

And what a wonderful segue that provides for my next list additions!
71. Go up to the Tower of a Lighthouse. 
As I explained above, I did not get to go up to the tower in California, and though I am completely satisfied with my visit I am not content to leave this be until I get to the top! ((Both figuratively and literally. :P ))

Unfortunately, though I do have more additions to share with you all, I'm afraid this post has gotten long already! But don't worry! Next time, I'll finish up my newest list additions, including the marvelous little events that inspired them!

~On the move! Life is a journey!~

So I do recognize, that yet again it seems that i have neglected my blog oh lovely followers! ( :( )
I assure you however, that this is only partly the case! ((Not much better right?)) It's not that I've stopped blogging, it's simply that I've been out and about for the past month or so. Between my special graduation trip to Hawaii, to house sitting ((with very limited internet I might add!)), to concerting,  to my upcoming trip to California ((by upcoming I mean that I am leaving at about 3a.m. tomorrow morning (-_-U))) I simply haven't gotten that much time to sit and reflect and write my blog as I have become so fond of doing!

But, I am here for now, and that's really all that matters right?! Regardless of your answer to that semi-question it's time to move on to the real point of this post! ((So I'm not just going to sit around trying to excuse my absence?! Shocking!))

All of my traveling and adventuring lately has lead me to realize something very, very important about my life, and yours too for that matter! Life is a journey, and it's time everyone stopped fighting that! Yeah, you see that one message thrown around all the time in movies. So? Movies -in my own personal opinion- one of the last real connections to true magic we have left. ((Mini rant now officially over.))

Look around you every once in a while, and all you'll see is people speeding past you, heads downturned, oblivious to what's going on at that one moment in time. These are destination-people. People who can't wait to get to the 'end goal'. Don't get me wrong, that drive and motivation is definitely a good thing -this is coming from a girl who'll just be starting a 10 year journey to her Doctorate degree- but letting that 'end goal' consume you to the point where you can no longer see everything that's happening around you is not a good thing!

There really is so much that you are missing if you ignore the journey of it all. I'm not going to say that every moment is wonderful and beautiful along the way, because let’s face it, that's nonsense. Sometimes the journey is difficult; sometimes the path at hand is dark and treacherous; sometimes it’s easier to shut your eyes to journey itself and just look to the destination. Yet, even when the journey gets like this, I firmly believe that you need to keep your eyes open to it, because that's how you learn and -more importantly- live. As far as beauty goes, it's all around you, it's entwined within the fabric of life itself, but it's not always going to come to you. You have to seek it out. When it comes down to it, it's your job to find the beauty in things. Neither of these two things are easy, and I'll be the first to admit it. I've gotten used to being able to keep my eyes opened to the darker parts of Life's path, it's something I'm pretty good at. But, this skill has come at a cost. Because of it, I find that sometimes it’s that much more difficult to find the beauty along the way; this I'm working on.

I am a journey-person, or at least I'm trying to be one. This is something all my recent, albeit blog-distracting, travels have made me realize. I want to be able to really, truly look at my life with eyes wide-open, and take advantage of every moment. Hawaii was more than just an expensive graduation trip my wonderful grandparents took me on. It was an adventure, and even more a time of healing. Not physical healing, because that would definitely put a damper on the whole 'Adventure!' thing, but a time of more...emotional healing. ((-you: TheAceOfSpades has a need for emotional healing?! O.o -me: I know right?!)) I will not describe what caused this need for my 'emotional healing' process, but I will say that it's something that I was not used to experiencing that had a deep (and surprising) effect on me. That being said it could all have been avoided if I closed my eyes to the Journey. In a similar manner, the whole thing -even after it happened- could have been overlooked and forgotten in the same way. I on the other hand, chose the much more difficult route. I looked at everything that happened, and I let myself learn from it. It hurt a lot, even the 'healing' aspect of it, but looking back on it, I know that it was worth it. It gave me a new insight into myself, and even into my own heart -a place that I find I know very little about.

So yeah, my point is that sometimes the path just plain sucks, and you -like so many others- can turn your head down, counting your footsteps, quickening your pace, just waiting until you reach the end. Or, you can go into-tunnel vision mode. You convince yourself that nothing around you matters but what is ahead. Sure, this can be beneficial, and sometimes what's around us is just too much to deal with, and this is the only way we really can deal with this part of the Path. Sometimes, no matter how strong you are this is all you can do to keep yourself going, and I understand that. It's not strength that is the limiting factor, but bravery. It takes true courage to lift up your head, to widen your vision, and try to take in all that is around you. If you do this, hopefully you will see that you’re not alone. Whether it be a lover, a family member, a true friend, or that person that seems almost like they were the missing part of your soul; they will provide the strength when you feel weak, they will help you find the beauty around you, they will help you seek out your true path, and they will keep you going when all you can see are shadows.

I will leave you with this: Life is a Journey. Those who can accept that will be able to truly live. Those who can only see the destination cannot, for in every life the last destination will always be death.

~Summer: Rebirth!~

My last, my final year of high school has officially ended. I finished all of my horrific IB exams, said my goodbyes, and graduated. Looking back on it, these past few weeks have felt like they lasted a lot longer than they actually have. And through all this, for it really was an ending, I did not cry once. It feels sort of odd, really. Of course, I don't cry naturally, but still, it seems like an odd thing to not have shed a tear. Though, the more I think about it, the more that strange feeling dies away. I will see my friends again, even if only over summer. We all parted with pretty words, but none of us intend for those to be the last words we will say to each other. That's what it all boils down to. I've come this far, and I'm not ready to put an end to my knowing them just yet. That may seem silly and naive, so let me clarify: I do not expect for all of us to see each other as often as we had, but I do believe that when we do see each other again we will be able to fall right back to where we left off. For this reason, I am not really sad.

What's more, I have done a lot of thinking lately ((a common theme for this blog; I have noticed)). As a result of this, I feel as if a large weight has been lifted from my shoulders. That is the glory of a good epiphany every now and again. It leaves you feeling refreshed, light as a feather, and as if you are ready to take on the world all at once. My epiphany was this: Life is mine, and it is my job for the time being to just keep living it. ((Remember that phrase?)) I discovered a while back who I want to be and as for this summer, it is time to start fully applying this 'new me' to my everyday life. As far as I'm concerned, I owe this to myself, and I don't have to worry about anything else. And that alone, removes a lot of stress and a lot of confusion I had been going through lately. A lot of which, I had been neglecting as of late, because of my dealing with the end of school. 

With this, and taking everything into account, I believe I can finally answer the question I posed to you a couple posts back: "Where am I?" I am standing ((metaphorically of course)) at the edge of a new beginning. Things haven't truly stopped, nor have they began anew, yet. Life is slowing down, and entering into a small transition phase. Like the Phoenix, I will not flat reach a flat out ending but a bridge into a new beginning. And for the first time in a long time, I am truly excited just to live my life, and see where it takes me. This is what my summer will be dedicated to.

Now it's your turn. I asked you where you were, and I hope you really took the time to think about that. But for now, no matter where you decided you were, you have reached and opportunity to set something in motion; something maybe you've been thinking over for a long time, or maybe something you've been neglecting recently. This is your chance! What will you dedicate your summer to?

Signing off,
The Ace of Spades

~Story time! New Additions.~

Hola! Como esta? (Pleas do not actually answer...I probably won't know what you've said!) Haha. Now, continuing on! It has been some time since I have updated the bucket list part of The Bucket List. So, as promised (or at least hinted at) last time, I shall do that now! (Aren't you excited? I know I am!) However, this time I'm going to try something new! I know that a lot of the things on my bucket list may seem sort of random, but they aren't really, I assure you! The point being, everything on my list has a story behind it. Every entry has a special meaning, and an event that put it there. But then again, I believe that everything has a story behind it, and that life might be a lot more wonderful if we took the time to really search for that story... But alas! That may just be a blog for another day! Any-who, on to the list!

66. Learn to use medievel weaponry- This one is simple enough really. Over spring break (Such a long time ago! T-T) I was talking to a really close friend of mine, a friend who I have known since the third grade. And, as we hadn't really sat around and just talked in a long time...we sort of just started talking. About everything! One of those things ended up being her favorite teacher, who apparently has some degree/certificate that basically says that he is CERTIFIED to use medievel weaponry! Awesome right?!

67. Get my Doctorate Degree- This one is really a promise to myself (as some of the others on my list really are) than anything. I decided from the beginning that this list would be a culmination of things. 1. Super awesome things that you live a lifetime for. 2. Silly little things that I've always secretly wanted to do. 3. Promises to myself; things that I want for myself to accomplish. After breaking it down this way, that really began to put this whole project into perspective. So one day I started thinking about the 3rd category and suddenly realization hit me! And so, this one was added!

68. Ride in a Taxi- Have you ever read the play Pygmalion? Because I had to. And apparently taxis are a pretty big deal. After reading the fuss everyone in that play made over riding in a taxi (and going home to watch 'CashCab') I decided that I wanted to ride in one too! Think about it, and I guarantee that if you haven't ridden in one yet you will add it to your own bucket list! My theory: the 'want' to ride in a taxi must be contagious; just like laughter, and the swine flu!

69. Learn how to hot-wire a car- Now this one started as my friend and I strolled past one of the schools little golf-cart-things. We then got into this conversation about how we both wanted to take one for a joy ride! (Not that we ever would of course!) So we both casually glanced over an noted that they never leave the keys there. (huh...I wonder why?!) How could we (Though we really never would.) overcome this predicament? By knowing how to hot-wire a car! Which lead us to a conversation about that, and my next list item...

70. Learn how to pick a lock- Don't judge! Let's all be honest hear....who DOESN'T want to know how to pick a lock?! Now, again, I would never use this and #69 to do something illegal....I just want to know how! What's that you say? 'What's the point?' Well I will tell you! As we continued on in our conversation we realized something very important. That is this: THESE ARE INTEGRAL SKILLS FOR THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE! Laugh now, but when the earth is plagued by brain-eating-zombies and the only means of escape is a locked car with no keys....guess who makes it  out alive!

Well that about wraps it up! I would love to know what you thought of this! Do you like the stories? Or do you honestly not give a crap?

Remember I will re-post my entire bucket list once I have hit 101 items! Hopefully that doesn't take to long! But, for now, let me know if you were curious about how any of the other items made there way onto my list! If you ask I may just have to answer!

Au revoir!
The Ace of Spades

~Some time later! Where am I?~

Hello all! I do realize that I have not been the good little blogger I had every intention of being. And by this I mean that I have not posted in a month. (...and a day...But hey, who's counting?) I would like to apologize for me leave of absence, though I don't really have any specific reasons for it. So to recap: Yes, it has been a long time, I'm sorry, and I'm sure you all missed me terribly! (Right?!) Shall me move on?

Recently I have done a lot of thinking about my life. (There's a shocker. I mean this entire blog is only about life!) Mostly I've been trying to figure out where I am at. Where I'm going. Who's going with me. And, who I will be saying good bye to. All of this could be the result of graduation which is now rearing its ugly little head. But (spoiler alert!) it wasn't. It was all because someone had told me this past week that we were at "the beginning of the end." Now, this isn't and unusual comment by any means. But it's not something that can be carelessly brushed aside either! I am accepted into an awesome college that I can't wait to attend (and have been finalizing things regarding it) and yet at the same time I am still winding down the year rather solemnly.

So here I pose my question: Am I at the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning? It's all very odd if you think about it, and not that easy to answer either. After all people make such big fusses about things like beginnings and endings. We see this in stories (Once upon a time...the end!) and even when mapping out our lives. Yet could it be (in the paradoxical norm of the universe) that a beginning and an end are interchangeable names that we give things which we have no other means of describing? So many questions and no possible means of answering them! And yet all of that only leads me to another question: Where am I?

So now I’m going to ask you the same thing. (Mwahaha! I’m making you think!) Where are you? Right now, as you sit and read this. Where are you in the grand scheme of your life? If you really think about it, you may be surprised at what you find out.

(To end in a note –or maybe a preview?-! My next update will feature some additions to my bucket list, including a story behind how they each made it there –I want to start doing this for every new addition- because everything has a story behind it!)